Urgh. Lately I have really been putting my imp before my patience. And it just feels so awful.

When I see and hear other people yelling…it all seems so unnecessary and soul destroying. And it really doesn’t matter if you apologise afterwards – it’s too late, you’ve already acted irrationally and you can’t take those words or actions back. And I know it hurts real bad when someone yells at you, so I really shouldn’t be yelling at someone else…

Especially when that someone is a 7 month old baby.

I lost my cool the other day – everything had been a battle, no eating, no drinking, no sleeping all day without a fight. And so when I reached the end of my tether, when I gave up trying to understand what the hell was the problem, I yelled. And unsurprisingly, yelling does not stop a baby from crying. Nor did it make me feel any better afterwards – on the contrary I felt a million times worse.

Why can’t I be more patient? Where can I get more patience from? How do you learn to be patient?

I really don’t want to be a yeller. I don’t want to lash out verbally when I’m feeling pissed off. I don’t want to snap so easily. I don’t want to take my frustrations out on other people, especially those I love. I want to be stronger.

How come I can find patience for inanimate objects: learn a new craft, layer my tea bags in a spiral, fold all my plastic bags in neat and tidy rectangles but when it comes to compassion for other human beings I am so quick to snap?

This is one bad habit I am keen to quit. If you have any wisdom to impart or helpful tips I’d be one grateful girl…