This morning, when I was
bitching talking to my mother-in-law about her son she passed on these words to me –
“You know, Anger is really an expression of your own needs not being met.”
My brain took a step back upon hearing this statement. It went “Huh. That’s interesting. So instead of feeling upset, frustrated and a powerless victim in a situation I need to communicate my needs more clearly in order to prevent the situation from happening again. Hmm. I like it.”
But in practise, I am finding prioritising my needs above the needs of others around me a bit tricky these days. And I don’t mean to sound like a martyr, urgh, SO BORING, I am definitely not Mother Teresa. I am just trying to be my best self (thank you Oprah) and I guess my idea of a best self is stoic and tough and effective. I mostly feel emotional, weak and lazy. Would a truly stoic person be whinging about their needs not being met?! I don’t think so.
Pardon my domestic analogy but if my needs were in a washing machine (front loader) they’d be spinning around and going up towards the top of the pile but then because they are so heavy they fall to the bottom again before they make it to the top. In an endless cycle on 30 degrees, intensive wash, sometimes with an extra rinse.
(Incidentally, I do a lot of laundry these days. I actually like doing it. I do several loads a day. It makes me feel like I have accomplished something on those days when you feel like you got everything wrong. And even though the laundry basket is a bottomless pit that once emptied somehow immediately replenishes, and I could feel like a hamster on a wheel, I don’t. I enjoy it. It calms me.)
But I am now beginning to suspect that I am purposely pushing back my needs in order to achieve my stoic best self. You know, in order to be stoic, you need to have pain, in order to have something to suppress! I just gotta work on the suppression part…
Urgh, figuring out this new mother, wife and homemaker deal is doing my head in.
If you managed to stay with me for this long I shall thank you with some cheerier imagery than laundry and needs and anger management advice.